CheckPoint Firewalls Can Suck My Whole Ass

Fuck CheckPoint, and fuck the people who both make them and buy them.  Yes, you!  Assholes!  Seriously?  It’s fucking 2009 and you’re still making a firewall product that requires motherfucking WINDOWS to configure?  No command-line interface at all?  The first time I used a CheckPoint firewall in NINETEEN NINETY SEVEN (12 years ago), it had the same limitations.  Back then it was passable, but now?  Now it’s just insulting.

The CheckPoints we have at work are to support 3rd parties and acquisitions.  We would never fucking actively use this bullshit.  NO fucking way.  Everything is color-coded and iconic, so I guess for enterprise donkeys who don’t know jack shit about security, maybe this is a plus.  But let’s be totally honest here:  It’s definitely not helping humanity progress.

MY PACKETS ARE GREEN, THAT MUST MEAN THEY ARE OK!

I am a Mac user, so to configure the CheckPoint firewalls we have at work I have to use Remote Desktop Connection into a Windows terminal server we have SPECIFICALLY for managing these firewalls.  So I TS into this machine, fire up the GUI-only Dashboard client, and then have to struggle thru managing firewall policies thru an archaic interface that literally has not changed in the twelve years since I first used it.

You’d think that would make me a pro, but no.  It just fucking pisses me off.  I can’t automate the shit, I can’t even dump the configuration files in a plain-text format.  No, that would be too motherfucking convenient.  No, no, no.  They’re stored in a proprietary binary format.  The absolute worst part is that everything has to be hand-entered line-by-line.  Click OK.  Are you sure?  Are you sure you’re sure?  YES DAMMIT JUST ADD THE FUCKING POLICY!

OH MY GOD I THINK I JUST MURDERED SOMEONE.

So if you’ve ever bought a CheckPoint firewall.  FUCK YOU.

If you make the CheckPoint firewalls.  FUCK YOU TOO.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Gonna go smash my skull against the wall until the pain stops…

7 thoughts on “CheckPoint Firewalls Can Suck My Whole Ass”

  1. Dito!!! 100000000000% with you. Can’t even said it better. After reading this I feel like you took 10000LBS off my chest!!!!

  2. Hell yes! These things are the worst damn boxes ever. You have to use the stupid-ass GUI, and then when you push a policy, it takes like 10 minutes! Try troubleshooting a vpn or something when every time you make the slightest change it takes half the day. CP is the worst firewall product I’ve ever worked on. And I haven’t even started on the intermittent vpn connectivity for no fucking reason, and the incompetent support. Boo, Checkpoint! Pieces of shit.

  3. HELL YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    IT IS 2015 and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK ! This boxes are just shit. 4x times to perform juste the same as another vendor.
    Too complicated for what it is !
    Fuck it, I hate it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. i have hands on experience on Cisco ASA, Fortinet, Cyberoam, Paloalto networks and checkpoint..
    IMO Checkpoint is the worst… how the *uck did they survive till now in the market.. when ever i do a checkpoint installation, i feel like I am in the 1990s

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