Using Caps Lock on Your iPhone

I’ve had an iPhone for over a year and still hadn’t learned how to use the mysterious caps lock feature.  I enabled it in the settings, but had no idea how the hell to make use of it!  Of course it turns out to be just as intuitive as everything else on the iPhone. I just figured this out today so I thought I would share it.

Step 1:  Enable Caps Lock

Navigate to Settings > General > Keyboard and switch “Enable Caps Lock” to “ON”.

Enable Caps Lock

Enable Caps Lock

Step 2: Use Caps Lock

To use caps lock, all you have to do is double tap the shift key on the lower left of your keyboard.The key will turn blue indicating that you have successfully engaged CAPS LOCK.

CAPS LOCK ENGAGED

CAPS LOCK ENGAGED

To turn it off, just tap the shift key once more.

Your life has now been enriched, and I can move on with mine.

Did Glenn Beck Rape and Murder a Young Girl in 1990?

That’s a good question.

I read an article on Ars Technica today posing the question of whether of registering domain names such as didglennbeckrapeandmurderayounggirlin1990.com in the name of parody or satire can be considered slander or defamation. To me the answer is clearly no, because the only way someone would register a domain like that in the first place is if you were a total douchebag. Of course whether or not someone is truly a douchebag would hardly hold up in court, and that is why I am not a lawyer.

But come on… We’re talking about Glenn Beck here, the dude who called Obama a racist.  He is one of the largest proponents of all of the unfounded idiocy and willful ignorance (two things I really can’t stand) driving the ridiculous frenzy of misinformation that you have to go out of your way to avoid lately, ranging from cries of “democracy” equating to “communism” and comparing Obama to Hitler.  facepalm

On one hand I frown on giving someone like him more publicity and–indirectly–more relevance.  But on the other hand, I just can’t pass up a perfectly good opportunity to keep this gag going strong as long as possible.

They’re poking fun at the fact that he makes these baseless statements and then says things like “prove me wrong”.  So the joke is now on him and he is being challenged to address allegations that he may or may not have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

Folks, the word is out.  Did he or did he not?  You decide!

Blue Dongs for a Friday Afternoon

Today I wrote an awesome program called mkdong that will make a dong of your desired length and print it to your terminal, like this:

% ./mkdong
usage: mkdong <length>
% ./mkdong 5
()/()/////D
% ./mkdong 25
()/()/////////////////////////D
That last one is impressive, isn’t it? Hmm… Yeah, it’s Friday. What do you want from me? I still got work done! Cool thing is if the dong is too big, well then it throws an error:
% ./mkdong 60
warning: a 60" dong is too big! cannot be longer than 40"!
“What is the point of this?”, you might ask yourself. That’s a good question. I’ve been so busy with other shit lately that I’ve barely had time to code. I suppose I was itching to write something, anything… Dongs!!

It all started harmlessly enough with a silly AIM conversation with my coding buddy at work. We were talking about a bug, and well, read on and you’ll see. It regressed quickly.

jughead: well there is the problem, now I just gotta figure out wtf jathanism: what did you do! jughead: nothing, it’s something in the rt stuff jathanism: hmm, maybe with a certain ticket jathanism: maybe one that is blank or something jathanism: or missing xml data jathanism: or might be a bug jughead: ok from now on jughead: bugs are not bugs jughead: they are dongs jathanism: ok jughead: “I found a dong in this code” jathanism: or might be a dong jughead: #1 deterrent of all linux exploits jughead: change root account to “poop”, chown -R poop.poop / jughead: no uid 0 jughead: no user root jathanism: what? jathanism: you rename uid 0 to poop ? jughead: poop will get it’s own uid jughead: and gid jathanism: oh jathanism: would that work? jathanism: there aren’t any hard-coded things to uid 0? jughead: no idea, lets try it jathanism: yeah let’s try it on marduk! jughead: hahahahfdsaf jughead: dsfa jughead: hmm…. /dev/ would have to be rebuilt jughead: MKNOD jughead: hate that shit jughead: MAKEDEV jughead: FUCK YOU LINUX jathanism: mkdong jathanism: aww yeah jathanism: i just made mkdong jathanism: % ./mkdong 5 8====0 jathanism: % ./mkdong 15 8==============0 jathanism: % ./mkdong 25 8========================0 jathanism: % ./mkdong 41 warning: a 41″ dong is too big! cannot be longer than 40″! jughead: you should modify that jughead: ()/()\\\\\\\\\\\\\\D jathanism: hahahlk jughead: looks much better jathanism: ok! jathanism: % ./mkdong 40 ()/()\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\D jathanism: aww yeah

So I took the stupidity and ran with it and mkdong was born!

The initial dongs were a little primitive and sickly looking. So I took his suggestion and improved their visual style. Here is how it turned out:

#!/usr/bin/env python

import sys

maxlen = 40

try: donglen = int(sys.argv[1]) except: print "usage: mkdong <length>" sys.exit()

if donglen > maxlen: print 'warning: a %s" dong is too big! cannot be longer than %s"!' % (donglen, maxlen) sys.exit() else: dong = '()/()' for i in range(1, donglen): dong += "\" dong += 'D'

print dong We laughed. We joked. We Tweeted. And then it regressed even further:

jughead: dude everyone loves mkdong jathanism: aww yeah jathanism: it needs easter eggs jughead: DUDE jughead: MAKE IT PRINT IN BLUE jathanism: ok! jughead: how exactly does one “suck a fuck” jathanism: the ascii coloring fucks up the length jughead: you can just put the blue at the beginning jughead: and at the end jughead: doesn’t have to be each char jathanism: it’s not jughead: is there a dong in the code? jathanism: /tmp/mkdong 5 jathanism: will just use forward slashes instad jathanism: released jughead: man mkdong is the best ever

A feature request! I had to make it print in blue! But to do that I had to replace all of the “\” that make up the dong itself, with “/” so as to not have the ANSI escape codes eat up the extra backslashes. (Backslashes are interpreted characters, duh.) I also had to replace the print statement with a system call to echo -e so that the colorization would be interpreted. This is high tech shit, man!!

And then I released it to the public. So there you have it. Here is the final release of mkdong 2.0 for your pleasure:

#!/usr/bin/env python

import os, sys

maxlen = 40 color = '\\e[0;34m' # blue

try: donglen = int(sys.argv[1]) except: print "usage: mkdong <length>" sys.exit()

if donglen > maxlen: print 'warning: a %s" dong is too big! cannot be longer than %s"!' % (donglen, maxlen) sys.exit() else: dong = '()/()' for i in range(donglen): dong += '/' dong += 'D'

os.system('echo -e "%s%s"' % (color, dong)) Use it well. And remember they aren’t bugs, they’re dongs! Squish? Gross.