Category Archives: Life

Tough one.

The White Room

(Originally journaled by me on 2003-11-15)

I just awoke from a dream in which I found myself in a room with two girls and two older women, all obviously related. The grandma (in her 50’s), mother, and two daughters. I was sitting across from them at a table in a white room with no door, high ceiling, and a ledge off to the right wall with a tall window. Words were written/painted on the window and there was some gimp-like creature up on the ledge.

I had the feeling of being kidnapped because I had no recollection of going there or how I got there. I was playing it cool however, inquiring casually thru conversation about where we were.

It seemed as if nowhere. When asking about the girls they could not remember the age gap between them and looked accusingly at their mother who just smirked.

They all had black hair. The sisters were hot, with kind large features (butt, boobs, teeth, nose, etc.). The grandma never spoke; nor the mom.

When I inquired how I knew them, the girl on the left smiled knowingly and said I used to work with her. This was after she used the word ‘grep’ in conversation. She asked me if I remembered the screen name “heart with an a” and I said it sounded familiar.

I was mildly attracted to her. I felt relieved to meet someone new. Thru more conversation she wrote some C code on a napkin and I inquired if she was going to school or was self-taught.

Things started getting weird. I think the other sister was jealous. Someone threw something like clubs or bowling pins at the gimp-like creature in the window ledge… It got pissed.

It shrieked and cursed. I felt a connection between it and the girl on the right. I think it was the mom that threw the clubs at the gimp.

I think the grandma eluded to the mom to do it.

For some reason I did the same and the gimp jumped up and down and hissed and jumped off the ledge.

The next thing I realized is that the gimp is the girl on the right. She is a prisoner somehow because of the mom. She is the bad sister.

She writes things on the windows and receives gifts from some godlike being. They are S.O.S. messages.

I find myself on the ledge trying to atone for throwing the clubs at the gimp. There are gold coins and I notice pillars of white in each corner of the room. The coins are gifts from the god to the gimp.

I start to feel immense sorrow and pain. I can’t move or think. I am overwhelmed. I am being attacked. I collapse in pain screaming and crying in depression and sadness. I feel her pain.

I wake up in a white room. I see no one, I hear no one, but I know I am supposed to escape. I know I am a prisoner of the bad girl. The good girl is trying to help me. She says the bad girl has all the keys but she took them, and is helping me unlock doors (not physically, the keys just appear and the doors open). I am running down a hallway with the same lighting and blue carpet. It is very surreal. I am terrified realizing I am trapped and trying to escape without really knowing why or how.

I fail.

The puzzle resets. It’s a game. I’m still trapped. I wake up FOR REAL.

I am lying in bed and I can’t move. My bedroom is lit like the hallways in my dream. I can see my hall from my bed. In the lucid state, unable to clearly see, I see the puzzle. It is moving and self-contained but I can’t figure it out.

I start waking up. I get up. I feel groggy. I walk out to see my friend Megan on the couch. REALITY. I’m still scared.

I go to the spare room and type “heart with an a” into Google.

Nothing relevant comes up.

I’m awake. But the dream was real. What the fuck was that!!

I know my room was similar to the room in the dream. The kitten was in the window ledge. Was she the gimp? I had thrown a pillow at her earlier before the dream because she was making a lot of noise.

Positive Thinking is Awesome

This is me in 2  years if I continue to make posts like this.  I'm the one on the left.

This is me in 2 years if I continue to make posts like this. I'm the one on the left.

Recently I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself in a way that only a man can… In my pants. Ok just kidding, I always feel pretty good about myself there. But seriously, I made up my mind to focus on the positive things in my life instead of dwelling on the negative.

Despite the undertow of self-doubt I’ve made a decision to continue to feel good about my life. Fundamentally that’s really all there is to it. It comes down to making a simple decision: Am I going to be happy or not? And so my mind is made up. I am.

I insist on feeling good about what I’m doing with my life and to be okay with where I am at. I will no longer beat myself up for not doing the things I think I should be doing, or want to be doing. Like blogging. (Or not blogging.)

Getting to this point hasn’t been easy and this seems really gay now that I’ve posted it. I am grossly oversimplifying the whole process but whatever, just go with it.

Did Glenn Beck Rape and Murder a Young Girl in 1990?

That’s a good question.

I read an article on Ars Technica today posing the question of whether of registering domain names such as in the name of parody or satire can be considered slander or defamation. To me the answer is clearly no, because the only way someone would register a domain like that in the first place is if you were a total douchebag. Of course whether or not someone is truly a douchebag would hardly hold up in court, and that is why I am not a lawyer.

But come on… We’re talking about Glenn Beck here, the dude who called Obama a racist.  He is one of the largest proponents of all of the unfounded idiocy and willful ignorance (two things I really can’t stand) driving the ridiculous frenzy of misinformation that you have to go out of your way to avoid lately, ranging from cries of “democracy” equating to “communism” and comparing Obama to Hitler.  facepalm

On one hand I frown on giving someone like him more publicity and–indirectly–more relevance.  But on the other hand, I just can’t pass up a perfectly good opportunity to keep this gag going strong as long as possible.

They’re poking fun at the fact that he makes these baseless statements and then says things like “prove me wrong”.  So the joke is now on him and he is being challenged to address allegations that he may or may not have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

Folks, the word is out.  Did he or did he not?  You decide!

Blue Dongs for a Friday Afternoon

Today I wrote an awesome program called mkdong that will make a dong of your desired length and print it to your terminal, like this:

% ./mkdong
usage: mkdong <length>
% ./mkdong 5
% ./mkdong 25
That last one is impressive, isn’t it? Hmm… Yeah, it’s Friday. What do you want from me? I still got work done! Cool thing is if the dong is too big, well then it throws an error:
% ./mkdong 60
warning: a 60" dong is too big! cannot be longer than 40"!
“What is the point of this?”, you might ask yourself. That’s a good question. I’ve been so busy with other shit lately that I’ve barely had time to code. I suppose I was itching to write something, anything… Dongs!!

It all started harmlessly enough with a silly AIM conversation with my coding buddy at work. We were talking about a bug, and well, read on and you’ll see. It regressed quickly.

jughead: well there is the problem, now I just gotta figure out wtf jathanism: what did you do! jughead: nothing, it’s something in the rt stuff jathanism: hmm, maybe with a certain ticket jathanism: maybe one that is blank or something jathanism: or missing xml data jathanism: or might be a bug jughead: ok from now on jughead: bugs are not bugs jughead: they are dongs jathanism: ok jughead: “I found a dong in this code” jathanism: or might be a dong jughead: #1 deterrent of all linux exploits jughead: change root account to “poop”, chown -R poop.poop / jughead: no uid 0 jughead: no user root jathanism: what? jathanism: you rename uid 0 to poop ? jughead: poop will get it’s own uid jughead: and gid jathanism: oh jathanism: would that work? jathanism: there aren’t any hard-coded things to uid 0? jughead: no idea, lets try it jathanism: yeah let’s try it on marduk! jughead: hahahahfdsaf jughead: dsfa jughead: hmm…. /dev/ would have to be rebuilt jughead: MKNOD jughead: hate that shit jughead: MAKEDEV jughead: FUCK YOU LINUX jathanism: mkdong jathanism: aww yeah jathanism: i just made mkdong jathanism: % ./mkdong 5 8====0 jathanism: % ./mkdong 15 8==============0 jathanism: % ./mkdong 25 8========================0 jathanism: % ./mkdong 41 warning: a 41″ dong is too big! cannot be longer than 40″! jughead: you should modify that jughead: ()/()\\\\\\\\\\\\\\D jathanism: hahahlk jughead: looks much better jathanism: ok! jathanism: % ./mkdong 40 ()/()\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\D jathanism: aww yeah

So I took the stupidity and ran with it and mkdong was born!

The initial dongs were a little primitive and sickly looking. So I took his suggestion and improved their visual style. Here is how it turned out:

#!/usr/bin/env python

import sys

maxlen = 40

try: donglen = int(sys.argv[1]) except: print "usage: mkdong <length>" sys.exit()

if donglen > maxlen: print 'warning: a %s" dong is too big! cannot be longer than %s"!' % (donglen, maxlen) sys.exit() else: dong = '()/()' for i in range(1, donglen): dong += "\" dong += 'D'

print dong We laughed. We joked. We Tweeted. And then it regressed even further:

jughead: dude everyone loves mkdong jathanism: aww yeah jathanism: it needs easter eggs jughead: DUDE jughead: MAKE IT PRINT IN BLUE jathanism: ok! jughead: how exactly does one “suck a fuck” jathanism: the ascii coloring fucks up the length jughead: you can just put the blue at the beginning jughead: and at the end jughead: doesn’t have to be each char jathanism: it’s not jughead: is there a dong in the code? jathanism: /tmp/mkdong 5 jathanism: will just use forward slashes instad jathanism: released jughead: man mkdong is the best ever

A feature request! I had to make it print in blue! But to do that I had to replace all of the “\” that make up the dong itself, with “/” so as to not have the ANSI escape codes eat up the extra backslashes. (Backslashes are interpreted characters, duh.) I also had to replace the print statement with a system call to echo -e so that the colorization would be interpreted. This is high tech shit, man!!

And then I released it to the public. So there you have it. Here is the final release of mkdong 2.0 for your pleasure:

#!/usr/bin/env python

import os, sys

maxlen = 40 color = '\\e[0;34m' # blue

try: donglen = int(sys.argv[1]) except: print "usage: mkdong <length>" sys.exit()

if donglen > maxlen: print 'warning: a %s" dong is too big! cannot be longer than %s"!' % (donglen, maxlen) sys.exit() else: dong = '()/()' for i in range(donglen): dong += '/' dong += 'D'

os.system('echo -e "%s%s"' % (color, dong)) Use it well. And remember they aren’t bugs, they’re dongs! Squish? Gross.